to be that girl

December 30, 2009 The 'Hood

This year I want need to make drastic changes in my life .. No more of these nansypansy changes.  I tend not to follow through with them , I start REALLY strong and then the little flame is blown out for one reason or another.

Honestly, I believe part of it is self control and MOST of  it is fear.  Fear of failing, so why try?  I want to FINALLY overcome that. I need to overcome that in my life, in SO many areas of my life.

I want to return back to “that girl”.. The girl my husband fell in love with, the girl that is STRONG and secure . The girl who strives to make smart choices in life , whether it’s financially or EATING HEALTHY.  I want to be the very best friend, Mother and wife that I can be.

So GOODBYE fear .. goodbye failing.. You’re so 2009.

I will ..  I WILL be that girl. .

xoxo

The Gift {W}rite of Passage

December 28, 2009 Uncategorized

The gift..

It was love.

The love from my husbands Mother .

The memory of her and I taking a walk on Christmas eve, arm in arm as the snow fell around us, talking and laughing and even moments of comfortable silence.

It wasn’t always this way .   Oh heavens no, you see – I was the girl who stole her sons heart. The girl that took him from his Momma, OR.. so she felt.  Initially, I was on probation with her.  Until THAT Christmas eve .  That walk together.  The gift she gave me that night was a gift from her heart. I’ll never forget how she turned to me and took my face into her hands and kissed my cheek, tears softly falling and her voice wavering.  She thanked ME. Thanked me for loving her son. I remember wiping my own tears and hugging her tight, promising always to love him with all of my heart. Always.

That night changed our entire relationship. That night it became a friendship, a mentorship of sorts. She became such an important part of my life.  She taught me SO much and she will forever be in my heart.

Rest in peace, Momma B . You are so missed ..  xoxo

*I am by NO means a writer, but I strive to be better. That is why I want to do this {W}rite of Passage. This post is LATE – but in all fairness, I was VERY ill over the holidays.

She is a princess, that PrincessJenn..

December 27, 2009 Uncategorized

Today on twitter – I put a plea out to help locate an honest lab breeder .  As some of you know.. our chocolate labby was given away while he was being taken care of by a previous co-worker of mine.  We still can not get to the bottom of what really has happened to him. Was he taken to the Human Society? Did she give him away? She all of a sudden up and moved out of our area – without leaving ANY contact information. At all.  Just sickens us.

Bottom line – he’s gone..I gave him to my husband as a gift after Tyler passed away.  This dog, as silly as it  might seem to some ,was B’s lifeline.. When he couldn’t talk to anyone about his grief – the 2 of them would go on a hike and I know that is what helped heal his heart.

Anyhow – back to my plea on twitter..

A sweet SWEET girliepoo (@PrincessJenn) not only retweeted my post about finding a puppy for B – but she is contacting a breeder she knows..( AND – helped me reach my silly but serious goal I made for myself on how many followers before 2010)

This? THIS is truly what it’s all about..

So – Jenn.. You are the sweetest of sweet.. Your heart? Amazing..  Thank you.. xoxo

Merry Christmas you say? I say.. ha..

December 26, 2009 Uncategorized

Nothing says Merry Christmas like having the stomach flu so bad you feel like your ribs are cracked, crying because you are missing out on the festivities and being in the same jammies for 48 hours.

Here’s hoping that New Years will be considerably different.

and to all a goodnight

December 24, 2009 holiday

Merry Christmas to all..

and a Happy New Year..

May 2010 be the best one yet..

i have the words..

December 22, 2009 i love him, this is me and heart

the words inside my head and heart are stuck. I feel like I have SO much I need to write about . Death, loss, the holidays – it’s all stuck – just RIGHT there in between  my heart and my mind..

I’m hoping that if I sit long enough it will all just flow out..

xoxo

ps.. isn’t the new look just lovely? Karen from Swank Webstyle and the infamous Shuggypants done did it for me..

oh Hilly… Hilly.. this is for you..

December 15, 2009 Uncategorized

Happy National Cupcake Day!

Some cupcake-ologists say that October 18th is really National Cupcake Day – but it’s NOT..  The actual National Cupcake Day is and ALWAYS has been December 15th..

So , here’s to you Hilly! This totally made me think of you and your love of all things cupcake-ish..

This too shall pass..

December 4, 2009 Uncategorized

I know the 7 days didn’t make sense to some.  Actually it didn’t  make sense to me either. I don’t do well with ultimatums ..  They are rude and not a part of any relationship, sayeth I.

A little recap..

I told myself that after I hit publish I would pull back and not have ANY form of communication with my husband for 48 hours. He wanted his time to think and he FORCED me to help make a decision within a 7 day period..

I’ll be honest – the first day was difficult. I wanted to text him SO badly.  However, I didn’t.  Lots of tears, but not a single text.

Day 2 was easier.  I did stuff for ME.  Well, really – I just purged the house – throwing out old junk and organizing .. It felt AMAZING.  Very therapeutic..

Day 3… no contact until I arrived at work.  There was just ONE text.  ONE text that said how much he loved me. .  I didn’t respond. I guess I just wasn’t ready.

We had an appointment at 4:15 .. I had decided I was just going to go and pay the co-pay and leave .  ( it was a sports physical for our son)

I didn’t leave..

As corny as this will sound.. I saw a change in him by just looking in his eyes.  He looked at me as if he had just fallen back in love with me. .

After a full night of not sleeping .. and tons of crying and talking, it all came out.  I won’t go into the why’s and the hurt.. but I will say that it’s fixable..

And WE want to fix it.