and.. he left me..

September 29, 2009 marriage

I’ve always been pretty sure about myself – confident and I am usually the “go to person”..

Today though, I am putting one foot in front of the other.. I keep having to remind my self ” left.. right.. left, yep, that’s the way”..

Bobby left today.. He wants to give me time to “think”… And this makes me ANGRY. Why doesn’t he understand – as much as I try to work it out in my head and with him – we are just at a standstill.. Our marriage – at a standstill. I never EVER thought it would come to this.

I don’t feel sure about myself and I sure as hell don’t feel confident.I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of unknown and no matter how hard that I try to grab the life preserver and hold my head above water – I seem to be unable..

stubborn much?

June 29, 2009 i love him, marriage, this is me and heart

Great news – the hubz will be moving back to Washington state.  He was officially offered the job last Thursday. For that I am SO happy and thankful for.

Recap: We’ve been living apart for the last year – with occasional visits to either Florida or Washington. Those visits were amazing, emotional and we were unsure of the future. Was I moving back to Florida or was he moving to Washington? We just did not know. .

Current: We just spent the last two weeks together – trying to adapt again. Even though we’ve been married FOREVER, it was quite the eye opener.  Very obvious that we have been independent for the last 12 months. Quite frankly, while I enjoyed our time together part of me was extremely sad that the separation has changed “US”. Us as a married couple and as parents.

In all honesty – a small part of me is concerned of the readjustment of living back as a family. I felt like part of me was ripped away in the sense that I became both Mom and DAD – the decision maker, etc.  The biggest challenge I see? We are both SO stubborn. I mean STUBBORN.

It was difficult to put him on the plane for Florida this morning but my heart hurts more because I feel that we have changed SO much.

That? Worries me…

xoxoxo