and to all a goodnight

December 24, 2009 holiday

Merry Christmas to all..

and a Happy New Year..

May 2010 be the best one yet..

i have the words..

December 22, 2009 i love him, this is me and heart

the words inside my head and heart are stuck. I feel like I have SO much I need to write about . Death, loss, the holidays – it’s all stuck – just RIGHT there in between  my heart and my mind..

I’m hoping that if I sit long enough it will all just flow out..

xoxo

ps.. isn’t the new look just lovely? Karen from Swank Webstyle and the infamous Shuggypants done did it for me..

oh Hilly… Hilly.. this is for you..

December 15, 2009 Uncategorized

Happy National Cupcake Day!

Some cupcake-ologists say that October 18th is really National Cupcake Day – but it’s NOT..  The actual National Cupcake Day is and ALWAYS has been December 15th..

So , here’s to you Hilly! This totally made me think of you and your love of all things cupcake-ish..

This too shall pass..

December 4, 2009 Uncategorized

I know the 7 days didn’t make sense to some.  Actually it didn’t  make sense to me either. I don’t do well with ultimatums ..  They are rude and not a part of any relationship, sayeth I.

A little recap..

I told myself that after I hit publish I would pull back and not have ANY form of communication with my husband for 48 hours. He wanted his time to think and he FORCED me to help make a decision within a 7 day period..

I’ll be honest – the first day was difficult. I wanted to text him SO badly.  However, I didn’t.  Lots of tears, but not a single text.

Day 2 was easier.  I did stuff for ME.  Well, really – I just purged the house – throwing out old junk and organizing .. It felt AMAZING.  Very therapeutic..

Day 3… no contact until I arrived at work.  There was just ONE text.  ONE text that said how much he loved me. .  I didn’t respond. I guess I just wasn’t ready.

We had an appointment at 4:15 .. I had decided I was just going to go and pay the co-pay and leave .  ( it was a sports physical for our son)

I didn’t leave..

As corny as this will sound.. I saw a change in him by just looking in his eyes.  He looked at me as if he had just fallen back in love with me. .

After a full night of not sleeping .. and tons of crying and talking, it all came out.  I won’t go into the why’s and the hurt.. but I will say that it’s fixable..

And WE want to fix it.

7 days

November 29, 2009 Uncategorized

7..

SEVEN

He says he will know if we are going to work out … in 7 days.

Actually what he said was …”It’s in your court – it’s all in your court now, whatever decision is made – we need to make it this week”

What do you do when your marriage is clearly over – but YOUR not ready to give up?

I just don’t know what more to do.. I DO know that I’m not ready to walk away..

Sweet Maddie {please please support Friends of Maddie}

November 11, 2009 Uncategorized

Happy Birthday, Sweet Maddie.  You have touched the hearts of SO many..

Today, our family will be sponsoring a Family Support Pack as our way of helping others.. in memory of Maddie

Heather and Mike – you are so loved , by so many. xoxo

drama llama..

November 9, 2009 Uncategorized, internet, my bitchy self

Do you know what a drama llama is?

Do you?

No? Well.. let me tell you…

drama llama -  definition- A person who randomly throws their drama on others,in the same way a llama randomly spits.

Every time I turn around there is something new being spewed out there. .  blog drama, twitter drama.  Blah blah douchey blah.

Seriously,  what I have seen is snobbery to the extreme – To me, if you are more concerned with appearing “popular” than listening and learning from people, sharing and expanding your followers -  I have NO time for you.  When did Twitter become so “elite”

I’m finding that I feel like I do not have a place here on the twitterverse.. and kind of in the bloggy world.  Perhaps it’s the emotional crapola I am going through?

I must bore you to tears when all of you 6 readers come to read a post.  Heh.I was asked why I even blogged then – well…I never have claimed to be a writer like some -  I just blog to share my heart.. just to share my heart.

If I could turn back time.. {shortest post, ever}

October 18, 2009 Uncategorized

Sometimes I wish I could turn the clock back..

I would do so many things, so completely different.

However- this is reality and I can NOT change this path I have been on..

I can only make it better..

xo

Randomness.. part III

October 3, 2009 Uncategorized, internet

Hmm – I think I’ll start something new.  I know, I know – it’s the lazy way to blog ..  However, I’m going to start doing bullet points of my week.

I’ve learned this week that :

• Independence is a good thing. I’m at the point in my life that I will NOT be a follower, just because. I personally find it pathetic to read tweets of from people who just jump on a bandwagon to fit in.  I roll my eyes OFTEN at this.

• It takes more energy to be mad than it does happy.  I’m tired of trying to be super mom,wife,friend..  I’m working on just being happy – and maybe those areas will become more manageable and less heartachey and stressful.

• I’m going to put myself out there more. I’m going to work on more social networking and blogging. I know my experiences with loss and life can be used in a positive way.

• I am going to be true to me.. I’m going to make some life changing decisions soon.

• I need to read more blogs .. Shannon over  at http://bluepaintred.com/ wrote a great post.   I love her honesty..  I want to squish and hug her..

• Writing a post like this is easy.. while there is thought put into it – it’s like a vegetarian of a post – not a lot of meat.. heh.

It looks like I have missed my one year blogging (on this blog, some of you know me from another) anniversary! Happy Anniversary to me! I am SO glad I do have this outlet.. now if I would only use it more..

and.. he left me..

September 29, 2009 marriage

I’ve always been pretty sure about myself – confident and I am usually the “go to person”..

Today though, I am putting one foot in front of the other.. I keep having to remind my self ” left.. right.. left, yep, that’s the way”..

Bobby left today.. He wants to give me time to “think”… And this makes me ANGRY. Why doesn’t he understand – as much as I try to work it out in my head and with him – we are just at a standstill.. Our marriage – at a standstill. I never EVER thought it would come to this.

I don’t feel sure about myself and I sure as hell don’t feel confident.I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of unknown and no matter how hard that I try to grab the life preserver and hold my head above water – I seem to be unable..