His name is Dave – please support childhood cancer
His name is Dave.
He dontated HIS bonemarrow
To give our son a chance at life..
Won’t you do that too? Be The Match
September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness month and I will do everything in my little heart to advocate for children and families who endure this diagnosis.
Please show your support and become a donor..
Posted by Chrissi @
7:37 pm |
Together we CAN do so much – National Childhood Cancer Awareness
My child was diagnosed at 15 months with leukemia.
My child had 2 bonemarrow transplants
My child fought a hard battle – and sadly lost the battle.
WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Kids can not do this alone. Parents can not do this alone. PLEASE help us advocate for our children.
Cancer knows NO boundaries.
These children deserve a cure – my child deserved a cure – PLEASE help.
Are you wondering just how you can help?
Bring awareness by asking your school to recognize the month of September as National Childhood Cancer Awareness month, wear a gold ribbon, showing your support. Contact the media and encourage them to do a story on cancer awareness.
We can make a difference!
Do it for the children..
Through out this month I will share Tyler’s diagnosis and journey with his battle with cancer. Our families battle with grief..
Posted by Chrissi @
8:27 pm |
the treasures of my heart
This week has been a bit difficult for me. I have finally decided to go through Tyler’s things. His toys, his clothes – his everything. I went into this with a heavy heart, fearful of what I might find.
Our Tyler was a collector, he loved his matchbox cars and his beanie babies, he loved to collect the little things and put them in his pockets or his backpack. And of course, we gave into him, I believe he had just about every beanie baby possible and believe me, he would put every one either at the foot of his bed or in his backpack. I do believe he would be a little packrat to this day- if it wasn’t for being in Heaven.
Over the last 2 days, I have hugged and touched as many of Tyler’s things as I can. I have sat and closed my eyes , trying to remember everything. Trying to picture him playing with his little matchbox cars, or lining his beanie babies up in a perfect little row, all in their own little color coded way. I closed my eyes and tried to remember my boys playing together. Snuggling together and being the best brothers ever.
My heart – heavy but happy…
Box after box was gone through – toys set aside, clothes folded and put into piles, pictures put in a box to sort . Many MANY tears fell, I had to keep going though – I knew if I stopped it might be a while before I could do this again.. I was ready to have at least part of this behind me.. I will forever hurt – but I wanted my Tyler’s stuff OUT of storage, out of boxes.. I was SO ready
Until..
I opened a box.. THAT box.
I screamed – and started sobbing. There – inside that box was my laptop. The laptop I had during Tyler’s cancer treatment, during his 2 bonemarrow transplants. Through this journey of hell.
The laptop that has been missing – the laptop that has EVERY email update I sent home to family and friends, EVERY picture I took of my boys and our family. EVERY part of that journey was documented on that laptop. Including Tyler’s eulogy. .
I thought it was forever gone. I was sure that someone had stole it – or I had misplaced it.
Honestly, I had no idea what had happened to it -my guess, I truly think that someone packed it away – after Tyler died, thinking they were helping me by packing his stuff for us as we were getting ready to move from the hospital in Seattle to back home.
My heart – a big huge, ginormous part of my heart is on that computer.. I can’t wait to sit and read each email and look at all the pictures.
That laptop? Is the treasures of my heart.
I miss him everyday.. so so much.
xoxo
*someone (can’t remember who) sent this picture of Tyler to me..it had a halo over his head and that bothered me. The most awesome LeSombre fixed it for me – he’s my HERO of the day! Thank you so very much.
Posted by Chrissi @
12:34 pm |
The Silent Grievers
I have been asked to share this.. This is something that I wrote this earlier in the year for 5 Minutes for Special Needs.
My desire is to have a website/blog for parents to come to and share their grief. Their innermost thoughts, fears, tears and all. Perhaps someday I will follow through with this . I have the vision – but the rest I will need help with. Someday?
When a child passes away, the pain for all is so hard to comprehend, especially for a sibling. We, as parents, have our own grief and our own pain and we tend to not be aware of what our children, the siblings may be feeling.
I know for our family that was very true.
I allowed myself to cry often, wherever and whenever. I would cry in the middle of the grocery store, at a stoplight, in the laundry room. Anywhere. I felt that my emotions and expression of grief should not be hidden and it also showed Zach that it was okay to be upset, mad and have your emotions take over. I also made sure that he saw me laugh and remember his brother in so many ways.
I often wonder if I was a good enough mom to Zach after Tyler passed away. Did I make sure he was okay? Did I answer the questions he had well enough? Could I have done better? Did I comfort him when he needed me? These questions lay upon my heart like a heavy burden.
Our Tyler left us too soon and how could I explain why to Zach when I had NO answers myself? I was so wrapped up in my heartbreak that at times I feel perhaps I could have been better and I feel guilty for this and I hope someday that Zachary will sit and talk with me about it.
We try so hard to bring Zach into our “Remembering Tyler” times. Certainly there are times he will share and there are times he closes up and refuses to share, and that’s acceptable. As he gets older, I believe he will share more and cherish the memories and help us keep them alive. Keep Tyler alive in our hearts and in his heart.
Shortly after Tyler passed away, I was cleaning the boys’ room, washing the walls and picking up toys. Zach came into the room and he instantly started to cry, it stopped me in my tracks as I heard Zach, in a panicked voice scream “Stop, Mom – stop washing Tyler’s fingerprints away!”
My heart sunk and I wrapped my arms around him and let him cry. I am so grateful he stopped me – I was thankful that my son remembered his brother in that manner. The fingerprints of his brother and the peanut butter and jelly gooey mess left on the bunk beds meant EVERYTHING to him. Just as we will always be Tyler’s Mommy and Daddy – Zach will always, ALWAYS be Tyler’s big brother. Nothing ever will take that away from him.
Ever.
Due to the confusion that the loss of their sibling brings, there will be no understanding of why their brother or sister was so quickly taken away from them.
Some ideas to help with the loss of a sibling:
• Do not deny them the opportunity to share. Remember together!
• Do not deny them the opportunity to cry and be mad; allow them to express their feelings just as we do ours.
• Remember to tell them how much their sibling loved them.
• Encourage them to create a memorial for their sibling. A garden memorial, letters, pictures or artwork is a great idea.
• Be honest with them, confusion and grief just don’t mix!
• Give lots and lots of love. They will be anxious and worried about their own life. They may ask “Will I die too”, and other questions that focus on their recent loss.
• Just like there is no time line for our grief, remember it’s the same for children. The roller coaster of grief is overwhelming for all.
Your children are the silent grievers, remember them in this journey.
Posted by Chrissi @
12:33 pm |
