and.. he left me..
September 29, 2009 marriage
I’ve always been pretty sure about myself – confident and I am usually the “go to person”..
Today though, I am putting one foot in front of the other.. I keep having to remind my self ” left.. right.. left, yep, that’s the way”..
Bobby left today.. He wants to give me time to “think”… And this makes me ANGRY. Why doesn’t he understand – as much as I try to work it out in my head and with him – we are just at a standstill.. Our marriage – at a standstill. I never EVER thought it would come to this.
I don’t feel sure about myself and I sure as hell don’t feel confident.I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of unknown and no matter how hard that I try to grab the life preserver and hold my head above water – I seem to be unable..
Posted by Chrissi @
6:41 am |
my heart.. it’s confused ..so confused
I don’t even know how to start this. I’ve deleted many many words and sentences so far. .
I’m trying to work through a marriage that seems to be crumbling in front of me. When I think of our relationship – I picture fall leaves, blowing in the wind and having no where to stop, just swirling around and around.
I’m scared. I’m scared of loss. I want this to work but I feel like I am not trying hard enough to keep it going on my end.
We love differently .. and I can’t explain that .
I’ve changed and so has he. . We try to get back to what we were and.. in actuality – it tears us further apart the harder we try.
He reads this blog.. and I know my words will hurt him..
I just don’t know what more to do.. my heart.. it’s confused.
Posted by Chrissi @
9:25 pm |
stubborn much?
Great news – the hubz will be moving back to Washington state. He was officially offered the job last Thursday. For that I am SO happy and thankful for.
Recap: We’ve been living apart for the last year – with occasional visits to either Florida or Washington. Those visits were amazing, emotional and we were unsure of the future. Was I moving back to Florida or was he moving to Washington? We just did not know. .
Current: We just spent the last two weeks together – trying to adapt again. Even though we’ve been married FOREVER, it was quite the eye opener. Very obvious that we have been independent for the last 12 months. Quite frankly, while I enjoyed our time together part of me was extremely sad that the separation has changed “US”. Us as a married couple and as parents.
In all honesty – a small part of me is concerned of the readjustment of living back as a family. I felt like part of me was ripped away in the sense that I became both Mom and DAD – the decision maker, etc. The biggest challenge I see? We are both SO stubborn. I mean STUBBORN.
It was difficult to put him on the plane for Florida this morning but my heart hurts more because I feel that we have changed SO much.
That? Worries me…
xoxoxo
Posted by Chrissi @
10:22 pm |
